A quick update on my situation. A sort of reflection. Nothing new and most of this will sound familiar and even repetitive, but occasionally I think it is important to reaffirm how things work for me, or allow the reader to see show how things have sustained…

I am often locked into my rubber on a daily basis (like now as I type this message). The trick for me is to remove the control enough to make you feel securely locked in but also deal with the need to be able to get out at some point, no matter what events unfold.

In simple terms, I use a time-locked safe to keep my keys in, which means I am locked in until the pre-set time goes off. Of course I have a plan B in case of emergencies, like the safe batteries failing or a some other need to get out of my rubber early. However, it is important to me to ensure that I will not want to activate Plan B on just a mere a whim where I just want out of my rubber captivity for a non-emergency reason. As such, I always try to make Plans B as unpalatable as possible. Thus, right now, I still have over 7 hours of forced encasement to go, but this is actually psychologically a much better option for me than to active plan b or c, both of which entail a high risk of public humiliation, especially if activated before nightfall.

Being locked into my rubber is an essentially part of my routine, but it is only the physical manifestation of my conditioning and hypnosis. As time goes on I have become more and more dependent on regularly spending long periods locked in rubber in order to feel "right" or "myself".

This has been going on for so long, I feel like I am getting to point where I am starting to condition myself "out the other side". Part of my conditioning towards my desired state means I am finding it difficult to remember what it was like before I was conditioned. It’s now difficult to answer what was going through my mind to motivate me to want to be conditioned to need to spend all this time locked in total rubber enclosure. There are conditioned thoughts that are very clear to me which tend to drown out all others; I know for certain I did follow a course of conditioning to achieve a rubber oriented lifestyle, I know I now I feel the need to be regularly locked in rubber all day more than ever and I know that once I am locked in, the feeling or relief is profound and I deeply love the experience. I only wish that I was not affected by mundane world commitment and I could spend even more time in rubber!

I have no idea if it would be better to remember my previous behaviour / pattern of life... But even thinking that puts a smile on my face for some unknown reason!

Most of my conditioning has been "self-inflicted", but I have also had help from fellow enthusiasts and even (self-styled?) professional hypnotists. My general mode these days is listening to recordings of hypnosis / self-hypnosis. I am far from an expert on the subject, so interested to hear anyone else’s experiences in this area. I have noted that there is huge variation in what works subtly and what works with surprising power, although I do not always understand the reasons behind this. Although this all generally directed towards achieving my ambitions, it is also worth noting that I have found it quite possible to achieve a sort of whole being orgasmic experience, but just the power of hypnotism (while being totally enclosed in rubber). All this and yet I would suggest I am not the idea hypnosis patient. I find I have had to work at being receptive to hypnotism. Of course, it helps when it the message is reinforcing what you want to believe.

So where am I going? What am I evolving into? With the deliberately installed doubt I have about my memory of the journey so far, I cannot be 100% sure if there was a intended destination or direction. My memory says it was as simple as spending as much time totally enclosed as is practical (I am paraphrasing here as there is huge mantra defining what this means that covers all the boring practical & daily aspect etc) and setting about shaping my whole personal life & career to support me in this aim. But was there hidden objectives in addition to this?

In reflecting on if there could be hidden objectives or side effects that could inform me on what I am evolving into, I only have my recent observations to be sure of. It is hard to express, but I seem to be observing that two contradictory (perverse) tendencies. It is very subtle, but it seem to me I am becoming more and more an unwilling participant in the excessive lengths of time I sometimes feel drawn to spend in rubber, while being more and more compelled towards these aims. In this I am talking the longer sessions. The regular session that might be around 7 to 12 hours don't count here. This is just "normal living" for me whenever there is no specific reason not to be in rubber. Basically I hardly give it a thought and if I did it would be that this feels comforting, sensual and enjoyable. There is little mental challenge with me spending this length of time in total enclosure. But, when the constellation of real-world factor line up, so there is a longer period (here I am talking 24 hours+) when I can be rubber, I get a very strong feeling that I am compelled to take the opportunity, despite knowing that part of me does no longer wants to go that far. And then, when it comes time to set the time-lock, I have to fight a strong compulsion to add a considerable number of hours to whatever time I think I have available. Occasionally I fail and end up locked in when I shouldn't be (due to real-world factors). Nightmare!

Like I said, its hard to explain, but when it comes to extra-longer sessions, sometimes I both desperately want to be in rubber and also don't want to be. The initial feeling of compulsion is often so much stronger these days and yet can switch off at some point after I lock myself in. Maybe I am getting off on being compelled "against my will" [despite the conditioning probably being my own will in the first place]. A sort of bondage thing. Maybe there is a part of my mind that has had enough of multi-day sessions and another that is programmed to take every opportunity that comes along and I have "broken" my mind as the programming now in conflicts with the desire.

This does not always happen. Sometimes its easy to be in rubber. But often I am finding I am feeling more and more like I am submitting to the rubber. Quite an interesting feeling! I know that I find the idea strongly stimulating as I write this…

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A Change Of Mind?

Someone asked me recently if spending so much time totally enclosed in rubber had affected my mind and thinking. I believe it has strongly affected me both physically and mentally, but will in this post I will cover the mind and my thinking. The changes to my mind is a big subject, but here is a start…

As you may have read here, my journey has been undertaken over many years now and involved manipulating habits and thinking. What started out as a useful method of using "mantras" & personal rules and rituals, evolved over time into adaptation and then conditioning to better adjust to my life in rubber. It would be true that once I saw the potential, I actually went out of my way to brain wash myself to be the way I am. A self-fulfilling TE prophecy? I think a deliberate decision was made at some point to pervert my rational mind, reasoning and even my memories of the exact route I took to get to my current rubber dependency.

I believe this "playing with my mind" was all part of supporting my journey towards my fetish ambitions, but I am sufficiently down the road now to realise that I can longer be sure of the exact route I have taken. I only really know what I believe to be the truth right now, taking into account years of conditioning and hypnosis, which itself has changed in technique and content many times over the period.

This leads to some interesting ambiguities.... the most obvious example being that I don’t really know any more why I often experience district “Rubber TE Hunger” episodes. To explain, the nature of these episodes is to experience a very sudden and very strong compulsion to be sealed in rubber and I can experience these episodes irrespective of if I am currently in "vanilla mode", or already sealed in rubber. If I am not currently in rubber, the sudden emotion results in an equally strong chain reaction in the logical part of my mind, which kicks in to work out the logistics of what I need to do to set up the circumstance that will allow me to be sealed in rubber as quickly as is practical. If I experience such an episode when I am already in rubber, the chain reaction takes a different course and feeds back a pleasurable emotional response and strong reassuring feeling of well-being. The ambiguity I mentioned can perhaps be best expressed in the question: Do I get these sudden episodes of strong feelings merely because of my general long-standing love of rubber, because of an increasing addictive appetite or as a result of my conditioning being activated by, for example, a hypnotic trigger. Luckily for me, I actually love this particular uncertainty. I do find the resulting need to be in rubber more exciting & rewarding because the driver is some unknown mix of fetish, kink, dependency, addiction or submission to my conditioning. Maybe it is specifically an essential part of my kink as I do get off on the idea that I am being forced to be totally enclosed by forces that are now beyond my control. Despite seemingly always having had a tendency to want to wear rubber, I do get a perverse pleasure out of doing everything I can to use the ideas of addiction and conditioning to give myself the feeling that I am compelled to regularly spend all day in rubber, whether I want to or not...

So, without going into all the other facets, the above leads me to believe that my experience has strongly affected my mind and thinking.

There is no question my mind has been affected by the experience, but has it had a positive or negative affect? That is an impossible one for me to convince the reader that I can answer empirically. I have only lived the life and cannot know for certain what kind of life it would be if I had controlled my urges and taken a more vanilla path. Where would my mind and thinking be now? I do not know, but wonder if there would have been more frustration in my mind. All I do know is that I feel like I am glad to have had the opportunity to walk the path I have taken, that I feel I am on the right path for moment and that I think it is a path I want to explore for at least a little longer, while I can...

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Continual Gear Improvement And Gear Question (Your Help/Suggestions Needed!)

Having spent more years than I care to admit routinely wearing rubber, I find it is easy be become complacent and just keep wearing the same-old type of rubber outfit day-in, day-out. The reason I wear rubber is as much because of the “total experience” as for the look, so have a tendency to stick to my tried-and-tested configuration. We all know wearing the “wrong” rubber items or combination can become unbearably uncomfortable within just a few hours, but over time, I have worked out much of what does and does not work for me. But that does not mean I have reached the zenith of what is possible, just that I have a combination that works for me and have just lacked motivation to meddle.

However, occasionally I find there is something that causes a spark inspiration when I discovery new motivations to try some changes. So, in the spirit of continual improvement, I have recently conducted a complete review of my "wardrobe", making my way up from the ground up.

The way my mind works is that I first work out the requirements before fixating on the solutions. I wondered what are the things that I would like to improve in my current configuration? The list informs the search for new items. Given my current outfit has “worked” for a long time, the list of improvements was actually fairly short.

The first item for improvement was “plumbing” to allow me to stay totally sealed beyond the capacity of my bladder. Here I have developed fairly good systems already, but given the current prototype items are wearing out, I have chosen a new supplier for part of the solution and will report back if/when they get round to shipping the item.

The next items for improvement relates to a fascination I have for being locked into my rubber, relieving me of my freedom of choice to “unseal”. As you may know, I have already a system in place for locking myself into my rubber Hydroglove suit (my current outer layer) and, when I have no reliable and willing assistant to act as key-holder, I use a time-lock key safe. The system uses a combination of chains, collar/straps and pad-locks to keep my safely locked in my suit. The current bondage setup works OK, in that if I get things set up correctly, I cannot remove my suit while locked. It works OK, yet I know it could be improved to remove all chances of partial removal while also make it less time-consuming and more fool-proof to administer.

The only way to remove a Hydroglove suit is to separate the top half from the bottom half. There are no zips or other ways into or out of the suit. This is good and bad. When the top and bottom are correctly worn (rolled together), the resulting combination is completely water (and air) proof. The lack of zips appeals to me for lots of other reasons too. The only real down side is that the method of rolling the two pieced together is (at first glance) difficult to secure with a lock. My suit is locked onto me at other points so I could not remove it, but up till now it has always been at least theoretically possible for me to break the seal in the middle at any point, locked or not. 

I thought it through and came up with a possible solution of how to prevent the seal being broken, once locked in. I discarded lots of ideas along the way as it is amazing how inventive you can be if you want to break free of your bonds. The possible answer turned out to be simple and I hope quick and comfortable. Over the top of the Hydroglove, I propose to wear a latex cycling-style outfit, which has a very short zip from chest to neck, which can therefore be padlocked to the locked collar that I already wear. The new outfit is being made of strong 0.6mm latex and so should make it impossible for me to gain access to the Hydroglove seal, which is rolled up at my midriff and covered with a rubber cummerbund (both the seal and cummerbund will be under the cycling-style suit).

I chose a cycling outfit for two reasons: Short legs are ideal as my “pluming” exists though a seal on my inner-thigh above my knee and secondly I wanted something with minimal zips while being easy to don. The cycling suit is being made-to-measure by a “controversial” (& cheap) supplier that I have never used before; needless to say I will report back on the results!

The third item was more of an issue….

HELP!

Making my way from ground up, I have got stuck at the last hurdle - the hood.

Currently I routinely wear a Regulation of London S6 Gas Mask Hood, which comprises a gas mask bonded to a hood with a bondage collar and zip (which can be locked). I wear this over the Hydroglove hood, which has an open face. There is not a lot wrong arrangement in many ways. I am actually on my second identical hood, despite them lasting for many years with heavy use. The plus points are they are comfortable to wear (for days on end!), you can see clearly out of the lenses (which clear themselves by drawing input air over their surface), you feel completely sealed (a hand over the input port will soon have you gasping), it is very easy to lock yourself into the hood (collar with D-Rings etc) and I think they look cute!

So what are the areas for improvement? Not many! I did originally consider just buying something similar (S10 hood), but this is an opportunity for improvement and being picky, here are some points I would like to address that are as much to do with my lifestyle as the hood. I don’t expect to solve them all with a single solution; I expect I may have compromise along the way.

1. The Telephone…. I work from home much of the time and (of course!) I do this locked in rubber from head to foot. If I am in a S6, it is not possible to communicate on the telephone without it being fairly obvious that I am wearing a mask. Modern phones only make this more difficult with their high quality sound. I have tried mounting internal & external microphones etc, but the end result is I never feel confident enough to be on the phone to work when wearing my S6. Currently I get round this by partially removing the mask. When talking on the phone the hood is still locked around my neck, but the S6 is pulled away from my face slightly.  Even this level of partial removal takes a long time and I often miss calls while I struggling with my mask. Also, I am exposing my whole face while on the phone and I would prefer to minimise this to just my mouth.

2. Negative Air pressure / sleep. Gas masks inherently cause a small degree of negative air pressure as you breathe in. Most of the time, this is not a problem and even enhances the experience. However, this negative pressure is most problematic if you try to sleep in a gas mask, where any tendency to sleep apnoea is amplified. I often find wearing my S6 has a detrimental quality of my sleep. This second point about negative air pressure is only a nice-to-have consideration and far less important than the 1^st point about being able to wear in at work and use a phone while keeping all the good points about the current mask.

So, in summary, I am looking for that elusive combination of comfort over long periods, practicalities especially while working in my mask and yet still have a very enclosed feeling. Here are some requirements spelt out:

(A). Ideally I would want lenses (not eye holes), which should provide a hermetic seal between my eyes and the environment and the lenses should be easy to see through all day (not fog). Short of a gas masks, this is a tall order so might have to accept a compromise here. E.g. wearing goggles over my hood (down side of which is they will not be locked on).

(B). I want to be to lock into the hood at the collar (or collar zip) as this is part of the system for locking on the rest of the suit.

(C). While locked in, I may need system to allow me to quickly remove the tubes (or mask) from my mouth so that I can communicate clearly on the phone. It want to be able to only uncover the bare minimum for phone conversations.

(D). To enhance the totally sealed in feeling, I still want to be able to fit on a tube or mask to the hood so that I am totally sealed in when required, with air coming in just via tube and/or filter. The icing on the cake would be if this last element could be locked on to the rest of the hood after work hours.

(E). The hood should feel as sealed in as possible, especially when the breathing apparatus is attached, while remaining comfortable for long periods (occasionally 24 hours+). A bit or breath-play with a rebreather is always a fun distraction…

(F). A nice to have would be obscured eyes (e.g. mirrored lenses), to complete the anonymous look.

(G). Ideas to address sleep apnoea while wearing my hood/mask are welcome. I have prototyped positive pressure ideas, but they have not been totally successful.

I have looked at StudioGum, Demask, Rubber’s Finest… and lots of other suppliers and yet despite their high price tag, I am not 100% sure they will be comfortable & practical every-day wear. I suspect many will fog their lenses, not provide the 100% sealed that you get with a gas mask or become very uncomfortable after a few hours (I already have an old Demask “PSYCLO HOOD” that manages to get 3 out of 3!).

Maybe there is a reason I have always stuck to gas-mask based hoods! They are difficult to beat!

One thing that gives me some hope is that (years ago) I did go through a phase of wearing a cocoon bondage helmet (small openings for eyes, nose and mouth & long collar) with goggles and a mask. While this was one the most conformable items I have worn, I never found a mask that I could wear over the hood to covered mouth/nose that really adequately worked for me while remaining comfortable.

The search continues. Suggestions welcomed.

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