A quick update on my situation. A sort of reflection.
Nothing new and most of this will sound familiar and even repetitive, but occasionally
I think it is important to reaffirm how things work for me, or allow the reader
to see show how things have sustained…
I am often locked into my rubber on a daily basis (like now as I
type this message). The trick for me is to remove the control enough to make
you feel securely locked in but also deal with the need to be able to get out
at some point, no matter what events unfold.
In simple terms, I use a time-locked safe to keep my keys in, which
means I am locked in until the pre-set time goes off. Of course I have a plan B
in case of emergencies, like the safe batteries failing or a some other need to
get out of my rubber early. However, it is important to me to ensure that I
will not want to activate Plan B on just a mere a whim where I just want out of
my rubber captivity for a non-emergency reason. As such, I always try to make
Plans B as unpalatable as possible. Thus, right now, I still have over 7 hours
of forced encasement to go, but this is actually psychologically a much better
option for me than to active plan b or c, both of which entail a high risk of
public humiliation, especially if activated before nightfall.
Being locked into my rubber is an essentially part of my routine,
but it is only the physical manifestation of my conditioning and hypnosis. As
time goes on I have become more and more dependent on regularly spending long
periods locked in rubber in order to feel "right" or
"myself".
This has been going on for so long, I feel like I am getting
to point where I am starting to condition myself "out the other
side". Part of my conditioning towards my desired state means I am finding
it difficult to remember what it was like before I was conditioned. It’s now
difficult to answer what was going through my mind to motivate me to want to be
conditioned to need to spend all this time locked in total rubber enclosure.
There are conditioned thoughts that are very clear to me which tend to drown
out all others; I know for certain I did follow a course of conditioning to
achieve a rubber oriented lifestyle, I know I now I feel the need to be
regularly locked in rubber all day more than ever and I know that once I am
locked in, the feeling or relief is profound and I deeply love the experience.
I only wish that I was not affected by mundane world commitment and I could
spend even more time in rubber!
I have no idea if it would be better to remember my previous
behaviour / pattern of life... But even thinking that puts a smile on my face
for some unknown reason!
Most of my conditioning has been "self-inflicted",
but I have also had help from fellow enthusiasts and even (self-styled?)
professional hypnotists. My general mode these days is listening to recordings
of hypnosis / self-hypnosis. I am far from an expert on the subject, so
interested to hear anyone else’s experiences in this area. I have noted that
there is huge variation in what works subtly and what works with surprising
power, although I do not always understand the reasons behind this. Although
this all generally directed towards achieving my ambitions, it is also worth noting
that I have found it quite possible to achieve a sort of whole being orgasmic experience,
but just the power of hypnotism (while being totally enclosed in rubber). All
this and yet I would suggest I am not the idea hypnosis patient. I find I have had
to work at being receptive to hypnotism. Of course, it helps when it the
message is reinforcing what you want to believe.
So where am I going? What am I evolving into? With the
deliberately installed doubt I have about my memory of the journey so far, I
cannot be 100% sure if there was a intended destination or direction. My memory
says it was as simple as spending as much time totally enclosed as is practical
(I am paraphrasing here as there is huge mantra defining what this means that
covers all the boring practical & daily aspect etc) and setting about
shaping my whole personal life & career to support me in this aim. But was
there hidden objectives in addition to this?
In reflecting on if there could be hidden objectives or side
effects that could inform me on what I am evolving into, I only have my recent
observations to be sure of. It is hard to express, but I seem to be observing
that two contradictory (perverse) tendencies. It is very subtle, but it seem to
me I am becoming more and more an unwilling participant in the excessive
lengths of time I sometimes feel drawn to spend in rubber, while being more and
more compelled towards these aims. In this I am talking the longer sessions.
The regular session that might be around 7 to 12 hours don't count here. This
is just "normal living" for me whenever there is no specific reason
not to be in rubber. Basically I hardly give it a thought and if I did it would
be that this feels comforting, sensual and enjoyable. There is little mental
challenge with me spending this length of time in total enclosure. But, when
the constellation of real-world factor line up, so there is a longer period
(here I am talking 24 hours+) when I can be rubber, I get a very strong feeling
that I am compelled to take the opportunity, despite knowing that part of me
does no longer wants to go that far. And then, when it comes time to set the
time-lock, I have to fight a strong compulsion to add a considerable number of
hours to whatever time I think I have available. Occasionally I fail and end up
locked in when I shouldn't be (due to real-world factors). Nightmare!
Like I said, its hard to explain, but when it comes to
extra-longer sessions, sometimes I both desperately want to be in rubber and
also don't want to be. The initial feeling of compulsion is often so much
stronger these days and yet can switch off at some point after I lock myself
in. Maybe I am getting off on being compelled "against my will"
[despite the conditioning probably being my own will in the first place]. A
sort of bondage thing. Maybe there is a part of my mind that has had enough of
multi-day sessions and another that is programmed to take every opportunity
that comes along and I have "broken" my mind as the programming now
in conflicts with the desire.
This does not always happen. Sometimes its easy to be in
rubber. But often I am finding I am feeling more and more like I am submitting
to the rubber. Quite an interesting feeling! I know that I find the idea strongly
stimulating as I write this…
Sealed
