Letter from Milano...

Thanks for comments from all and welcome back Magumsmoker. Good to hear from you again. How is it going?

To bring u up to date, I am still living a rubber total enclosure oriented life which has a fair amount of breath control and a lot (too much?) popper use…

Important: What is described below is an honest account of my legal use of chemical stimulation and I am not promoting or advocating you follow my example. I am not proud or ashamed - I have just come to accept my use/abuse as a personal indulgence and an unhealthy one that I accept as part of my (current) way of life. Use your own brain to come to your own decisions….

As previously mention in this blog, poppers started becoming a regular (often daily) thing when I first got serious about changing my life to achieve my fetish ambitions. It was when I made it a self imposed rule that I must live in my rubber skin every day when there was no specific reason why I could not. The poppers instantly become a daily part of the experience. This was to provide (what I thought would be) an initial temporarily coping mechanism to help make the transition to enclosure more bearable daily experience – not to mention enjoyable. I used poppers to get over the initial adjustment to the auto erotic over stimulation of living totally sealed in rubber, but somehow, despite some long periods of abstinence, I have never made it to the point where I would chose to live in rubber for very long without my chemical crutch. I have found that my chemicals cocktail are just too much of a pleasantly compatible combo with rubber life to give them up. This despite the knowledge that such a dependency is pathological (probably much worse that smoking).

At some point I rashly decided to experiment with the idea that I would give up controlling popper intake to wean myself off them and deliver myself to the oblivion of constant background use. The idea was that a very, very small constant dose would have the desired coping effects, without the intoxicating rush of traditional delivery methods that temporarily but regularly stopped me from functioning adequately in my daily tasks and, in many cases, coping as a coherent human being. I knew that this was probably folly, but enquiring minds needed to know, so extensive experiments were necessary.

The popper feed was something I dabbled with and had mixed results with and, frankly, I eventually gave up on as a regular thing, while I was refining other aspects of my kinky existence. I never reported that much on it at the time as I thought I would some day return to it and perfect it for everyday use.

Anyway, seeing as I was asked, what I did was take the essence of what Magnumsmoker has developed and adapted it for my use. For everyone else benefit, this was essentially a semi-automated, on-demand mechanism for efficiently delivering a popper dose. A portable electric air pump plumbed into a mixing vessel that could deliver a dose of popper vapor along a small bore tube connected into a gas mask. This would mix with air from the filter and produce a tolerable, but very strong dose that would deliver a suitably mind bending popper rush. Potentially this would be a much stronger and sustained experience than even sniffing direct from the bottle (which in itself is ignoring the manufacturer’s instructions).

I adapted this design for my own objectives. I wanted to see what it would be like to experience something a little less intense but over a long period – hours or maybe even all day. I therefore needed something that would work while I was at any angle – from upright, while sitting through to playing in bed. This made the portable pump less practical as inversion and gravity could potentially deliver the entire contents of a bottle in seconds – which would probably be fatal given my mask/hood combo is often locked around my neck. So for a prototype I came up with a “base station” design where the poppers and pump were static and a very long umbilical style (thin) tube connected my mask to the base station. As portability was not an issue, the system was a mains powered (aquarium) pump rather than battery powered, so would pump on days/months/years if necessary. The pump had its own flow regulating control and this was augmented with extra throttle and dump valves to fine tune the experience.

The tether of the umbilical is very long but ultimately limiting to some degree, but it also added a certain restraint appeal. It’s retraining influence making me feel more dependent on the lifestyle support systems of the base station. That was quite kinky in itself.

Another kinky aspect was that you were relinquishing control of your dose and to the machine. In “normal” popper consumption you are in control of the dose and sniff more as and when you think you want the more effect. You stop when you have had your fill. By handing over total control of the dose to the machine, you are handing control of your physical and mental experience and so it is a submissive act. This is very stimulating for me as well as a major mind fuck!

The delivery of poppers in a well controlled dose was reasonable success, although it varied depending on the charge of poppers in the reservoir and the back pressure of the gas mask and operation of the masks associated non-return valves. It certainly could have been developed further, but essentially if tweaked every hour or so, it could be controlled to deliver a consistent small dose whenever I breathed in, and stopped delivery when I breathing out (to avoid wasting chemicals).

The initial experiments tended to fail as far too high a dose was delivered. As this could be quite fun, it took quite a few attempts before lower doses than normal were achieved. Then there the effect was so initially subtle it was difficult to judge if enough was being delivered or too much. This was compounded as the effects tend to slowly accumulate in the body over time such that what seems like too little can gradually build to become too much. And if I got the dose too low, it might become difficult to know how long to wait before turning up the flow (while all the time getting frustrated and “over heated”).

There were times when I got things close to perfect, and enjoyed hour after hour of pleasant chemical emersion, but generally the experience made it difficult to function or cope beyond the realms of living a erotic, sensual, over stimulated psychotropic experience. Any task that was not connected with rubber, sex or satisfying my fetish became challenging. Achieving simple everyday functions would require expending disproportionate amounts of determined will power. This level of resolve could never be sustained for long in the face of such pleasure and it would no be long before I would find myself falling back into the heavenly abyss of total chemical rubber sensual emersion.

As an occasional or even regular distraction for a few hours it showed promise, but as a day in day out lifestyle it looked hopeless without considerable refinement. My fortunate position of being able to live my daily life in rubber was dependent on my being able to work from my home office. Not being able to function at any level beyond the hedonistic for the majority of the day was a major problem!

Then there was the shear chemical consumption. I could go through a bottle of poppers in hours and even when rationing heavily I would go through several bottles a week. This all comes with cost and the worry of its side effects – the immediate effects being on a par with a hangover.

Then there was the worry of the constant state becoming the norm, as proposed by Dark in his comment relating to constant rubber encasement. This risk of adjustment to a constant state (or constant intake) seems to apply slightly more to chemicals than to rubber encasement, although it is a complex subject. On the other hand you also seemed to get sensitized to some chemicals, such that you can actually become more badly intoxicated by something you abuse.

So for regular use I have gone back to simpler on-demand intake of poppers, basically as and when I need them. In some circumstance this could mean a good part of most days, but I seem to go through very distinct and varied cycles of chemical need.

The biggest thing I miss with this is handing control over to the machine. In fact I would like to hand over more control to such devises, such as controlling the air I breathe in addition the chemical dose as well other functions.

One day I will return my efforts to such devices. That’s why I am always interested to hear about other peoples ideas and experiences. Feel free to share here what it is like to experience systems similar to my constant popper feed.

Sealed (spending June 2008 in Milano)